


Maybe One Day I'll Forgive You

by foona



Series: Goodbye Fics [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 05:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foona/pseuds/foona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Projekt Revolution ended bitterly.</p>
<p>- based on The Last Time by Taylor Swift -</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe One Day I'll Forgive You

The show tonight was electrifying, every bone in me felt like they were going to explode. As we walked off that stage, sweating like hell, I can't help but smile to myself. I really am lucky, I thought. Projekt Revolution, Gee is showering me with so much affection. Should I just tell him the truth about how I feel about him? I guess I should. I mean, we act so affectionately recently, and I'm pretty sure he won't turn me down.

  
_Found myself at your door,  
Just like all those times before,  
I’m not sure how I got there,  
All roads they lead me here._  
  
I approached his dressing room and stood there, giving myself a pep talk and calming my nerves. It's ok, I tell myself. It's going to be alright! What's the worst that could happen? He's your freaking best friend. Ok I  think I'm finally ready. I knocked softly at his door and waited patiently until I'm greeted by the beautiful sight of Gerard in all of his post-show glory.  
  
"Uh hi Gee.. Can we talk?" I muttered quickly while looking at the floor.  
  
"Sure dude, come in!" He replied while ushering me inside.  
  
 _I imagine you are home,  
In your room, all alone,  
And you open your eyes into mine,  
And everything feels better  
_  
"So, what do you wanna talk about Frankie?" Gerard coaxed.  
  
"So, um, its like this. I don't know why, but every time I'm with you... It's like everything is nicer you know. Um when I'm hanging out with you, I don't feel so fucking anxious you know? Like, OK, you're my best friend. And I jus-"  
  
"I know Frankie, I like hanging out with you too.."  
  
 _Right before your eyes,  
I’m breaking and fast,  
No reasons why,  
Just you and me._  
  
"No, I mean yes, but.. Sometimes, I look at you, and I just love how you look. Everything about you is beautiful. Your hazel eyes, your dark raven hair, your pale skin, and just.. Everything. And I spent a lot of time thinking about this, about you. What I feel about you. I spent so long arguing with myself about the fact that I'm totally falling for you, and.. I don't exactly know, but I do know that I want to be more than friends with you... "  
  
I waited, holding my breath, waiting anxiously for his verdict.  
  
He inhaled a long breath and looked at me with an expression I can't exactly decipher.  
  
"Frankie.... I.. " he looked around the room and chewed on his lip. "I.. Didn't know you felt that way about me... Look, we can't, um we can't be together... For the sake of the band, and oh god, what will people think?"  
  
"Oh screw them, do YOU want this?" I asked impatiently  
  
"I.. Look, you're a great friend, but that's all I think of you as." He muttered quickly.  
  
I sat there, in the old and soft leather chair, as my brain processed his words. I can't believe it. No, this can't be happening. This could never happen. Oh my god, is this real? Is Gerard REALLY rejecting me? I felt dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden.  
  
"But what about all those times... On stage? What did those mean? You can't expect me to believe they meant nothing!" I said angrily.  
  
 _This is the last time I’m asking you this,  
Put my name on the top of your list,  
This is the last time I’m asking you why,  
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye…  
_  
"Frank, you have to believe me, those were just the adrenaline getting to me. I'm so sorry, if what we did led you to believe we had something.. " Gerard mumbled apologetically.  
  
"I... I can't believe this." I stuttered. "What? Did none of this seriously matter nothing to you?!" We.. I.. You can't just.. I can't..."  
  
I felt absolutely faint and in a fit of desperation I grabbed his face and kissed him roughly.  
  
"Frank don't," Gerard said sternly while pushing me away.  
  
"So that's it?" I asked lamely  
  
"Uh, yea I guess so.. Goodnight, Frank."  
  
I opened and closed my mouth slowly.. Trying to find words to say. But I can't. I ran out of the room hurriedly and I kept running.  
  
I sat in a corner and buried my head in my knees. How could this have gone so wrong? Why? Am I cursed or something? Oh god..  
  
I started sobbing furiously, not caring who sees. I cried and cursed and flailed wildly.  
  
********  
  
I finally stood up and walked aimlessly. After a while I realised I was headed towards Gerard's room. I started to turn back, but then I saw LynZ striding confidently in the direction of Gee's room.  
  
Curiosity got the best of me, and soon I was hiding behind a wall, watching LynZ. I watched as she knocked the door and walked in the room after Gerard greeted her warmly. I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean, wow, I... I'm speechless.  
  
I felt hot tears sting at my eye as I ran around the corner and back to my room. Can this night get any worse?  
  
******  
  
I sat in my room for what felt like an eternity. Trying not to seek the comfort of alcohol. Oh there it goes, another one of our 'sweet' memories.. I mean, I've been with him through everything. I know him almost as well as I know myself...  
  
 _You find yourself at my door,  
Just like all those times before,  
You wear your best apology,  
But I was there to watch you leave_  
  
I was lying in a fetal position on the floor and trying to breathe when I heard a soft knocking on the door. I opened it and was greeted with a disheveled Gerard.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked calmly.  
  
"I... I.. I'm so.. God Frankie.. I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I led you on. I'm sorry if I let you down. I'm totally fine if you hate me, just know, that I'm so sorry. I love you, but not in that way..." Gerard said with a pained expression.  
  
"I don't hate you! I can't! Don't you understand just how much you mean to me? You've been with me through everything. You.. I don't even know what to say." I took a deep breath and continued,  
"I saw you with LynZ just now..." I began softly.  
  
"Uh.. Yea, I was going to tell you before... I proposed to her. Were getting married tomorrow." Gerard explained, while looking at his feet.  
  
"Oh," I replied.  
  
I knew I shouldn't ever feel jealous. He wasn't mine to begin with. He'll never be. But this, added on to the pile of shit called my life... Is just. Wow.  
  
"Fuck you," I said, dangerously slow.  
  
I slammed the door in his face and sank to the floor leaning against the wooden floor. I can't believe how much of my life I spent, chasing after a dream.  
  
I grabbed the keys to my car and  
walked out to my car. If he decides to put me out of his immediate life (um lovers?) then I won't bother him. I'm sure he'll be happier on his wedding day without me.  
  
 _This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong,  
This is the last time I say it’s been you all along,  
This is the last time I let you in my door,  
This is the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore._  
  
I drove out of the concert hall and drove and drove. As far away as possible until I stopped on a deserted parking lot. I dropped my head against the steering wheel and sobbed quietly. I was heaving and sobbing my brains out, but I guess I ran out of tears. It finally caught up to me that Gerard's getting married. So suddenly. At the tour that we were closest together, at least physically. I decided to stay in my car until tomorrow ends. God knows what I will do in a fit of rage.  
  
It started to rain. Hard. I sat in my car, staring blankly through the rain.  
  
 _This is the last time I’m asking you this,  
Put my name on the top of your list,  
This is the last time I’m asking you why,  
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.  
_  
I sat there for an hour before my phone blinked  
  
Mikey: where r u frank?  
  
I ignored it and threw my head back to sleep.  
  
The next day I lazed around the parking lot, refusing to drink or eat. I waited till night came, when we were supposed to play a concert and then Gerard would... No, I can't afford to think about that.  
  
I heard my phone ring.. I checked the caller, of course, it's Gerard. I declined and threw my phone at the passenger seat. It started ringing, again, and again. Until I couldn't take it anymore.  
  
I drove to our next venue, which thankfully is just an hour away from where I am. I quietly trudged backstage and hid behind a wall. From the looks of things it seemed that the show is about to begin. I finally see a huddle of people gathered around, which could only mean he's getting married.  
  
I stood there, watching as they carried out the ceremony. Yeah I probably was being a masochist, but it's better to face the thing you fear.  
  
I stood there, for a long time, that i didn't realise Gerard walking up to me with a huge grin.  
  
 _This is the last time I’m asking you this,_  
Time I’m asking you this,  
Time I’m asking you this,  
Time I’m asking you this..   
  
I turned around and walked towards the back exit. Ignoring his calls and fast footfalls catching up to me. I don't care anymore. I'll get better. I'm going to be the bigger person and leave him to be happy. Even if that means me out of his life. I hope you're happy Gerard.  
  
I craned my neck one last time to see his crestfallen face before opening the door and drove away.  
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry Bara


End file.
